A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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