I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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