I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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