tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
