its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't put those talents on a resume
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
