This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
