toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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