My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
