I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She said her name was "party"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
