I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it because I queefed?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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