dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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