So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
