i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
