im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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