i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
