ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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