do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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