woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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