Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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