I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
