Did you just see the Batmobile???
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
