Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How naked do you want me to be?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
