It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
