I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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