The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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