Fuck appropriateness.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
