Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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