so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
