i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
