So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
