When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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