She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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