Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
