The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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