So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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