fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
