fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
