Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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