Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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