Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
