Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
