I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
