Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
