I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
