i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
