and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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