I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
