Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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