He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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