I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
