My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
