the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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