I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
