Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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